I Lay Down the Gauntlet… and Other Cheese-Related News – Marcella The Cheesemonger International Guilde des Fromagers
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I Lay Down the Gauntlet… and Other Cheese-Related News

 

Before reporting on a few things from the cheesemines of the world, I must step out and get something off my chest…

As previously reported here in my blog (for which The Lady acts only as the Front Woman, do not be fooled, my fellow cheese foodies), an interloper (pictured above) has invaded my deck and despite my many protestations, The Lady continues to cavort with him. I am not amused. In fact, I am anything but amused… The Lady knows I am not amused and I know The Lady knows that I am not amused and The Lady knows that I know that The Lady knows that I am not amused… I could go on forever…

At first I was merely perplexed that The Lady… my The Lady, continued to feed this gray gatecrasher. I stood at the door to the deck, puffed-up and growling, thinking (erroneously, I might add) The Lady was smart enough to take the hint and shoo him away. When that failed, I moved to the other side of the bed and started sleeping cuddled up next to The Man. Still, she ignored my messages.

I guess it’s true what Samuel Goldwyn told one of his screenwriters. There are other ways to send messages but if I leave one on the floor in the hall, I’ll have hell to pay… and how can I know that it will be The Lady who makes the discovery and not The Man? He’s my “man servant” and given the changes in The Lady’s heart, this is not a relationship to jeopardize.

In my darkest hours, I considered contacting The Brain and asking for a transfer; but The Lady feeds my cheese jones and I just can’t give up the cheese… perhaps I could go live with my BFF, Becky, who took care of me last year when The Lady and The Man went to visit Miss Anne and the Tall Guy… that won’t work either, The Lady and Becky eat lunch together every day and if I move in with Becky… awkward…

But finally last night I hit the wall; well actually I hit the screen door and knocked the darn thing off its track and whacked myself silly for a moment. Leading up to this event… The Lady fed the trespasser and shut the screen door between her office and the deck. That was her mistake; she should have closed the sliding glass door… the scents of his 9 Lives pâté and his own smug muskiness wafted through the screen and although The Lady, many years before, had robbed me of my manly-manhood parts (I will never forget… nor forgive her… but I digress…), rage coursed through my veins and I went for him… and the screen door came crashing down.

And the interloper, whom I noticed has his manly manhood parts still intact… tucked his tail between his legs and fled the scene leaving me with extra pâté, the entire deck and The Lady… all to myself

Might I add a note of caution to the gray guy who thinks he’s the new cat on the deck… The Lady can be wonderful and generous… but she will chop your balls off… no doubt about it… first chance she gets…

Now for the news…

Did you know that when you buy commercially shredded cheese, it is lightly coated with cellulose to prevent clumping? Do you know what cellulose is? It’s plant fiber and the most popular cellulose used in processed foods comes from wood pulp. It’s harmless, bland and cheap… it gives low-fat ice cream its creaminess; and it’s “organic”… now you know…

Marin French Cheese Company, the Petaluma, California cheese makers that has been operating for 146 years has been sold to France’s Rians. This is the same company that bought Laura Chenel Chevre in 2006. Marin French Company is a multiple award-winning cheesemaking company, known worldwide for its Triple Crème Brie which rivals any French Triple Crème… Rians is a family-owned company with fifteen creameries in both Europe and America… viva la Marin French…

And finally, to tie everything important in The Lady’s life… on Tuesday, April 5, 2011 was a dark day at Augusta National. A power outage at the plant that makes the famed pimento cheese sandwiches for The Masters, prevented delivery of sandwiches to the Tuesday practice round… thankfully, there were plenty of sandwiches for the rest of the event…

Feline Trivia: Did you know that Abraham Lincoln was the first President to have cats living in the White House? He had four that were his pets; his favorite was named Tabby and the President fed him from the table… I wasn’t one of them… but I know a feline who knew a feline who ate a mus musculus that had once lived in the White House.

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